This article was recently written for a newsletter going to all medical Doctors (GPs) in South Africa. More and more people in the UK, Europe and across the world, understand the future of HEALTH care is in Integrative medical approaches. His words are interesting for anyone interested in health, healing, potential and thriving in life.
This article is reproduced with permission.
NEWSLETTER TO GPs in South Africa
from Dr David Nye, Head of Integrative General Practice SASIM (South African Society for Integrative Medicine)
“Earlier this month, I was fortunate enough to attend a life-changing presentation by Dr Melanie Salmon at the monthly SASIM meeting in South Africa. As many of you may know, Melanie introduced TRE [Trauma Releasing Exercise] to South Africa over the past 10 years. Previously she practiced as a GP and Counsellor (Gestalt Psychotherapist) in the UK for 40 years.
On this occasion she presented her unique treatment called Quantum Energy Coaching [QEC]. This concept is so exciting I felt compelled to share it with all of you, who did not have the opportunity to hear it first-hand. QEC is based in neuroscience and is a distillation of: Gestalt Coaching, Focused Intention, Brain Gym, Cardiac Coherence, Neuroplasticity, Neurogenesis and Kinesiology. Basically, it is a quick and efficient means of imprinting positive affirmations on the subconscious mind.
Melanie was greatly impressed by the ground-breaking work of Dr. Bruce Lipton, published in his book “The Biology of Belief”. He showed scientifically, that the foundation of most ailments lies in negative, limiting thinking. As we now know, we are not controlled by our genes, but by epigenetic influences of toxicity, lifestyle, nutrition, stress, etc. The most powerful of these epigenetic influences are our thoughts.
Lipton was the first to show that if we want to make permanent changes in our lives, we need to find methods able to change thinking at the subconscious level of the mind. He demonstrated that humans operate 5% of the time in the conscious mind and 95% of the time in the subconscious. It is our negative subconscious thought patterns that hold us back from achieving our best, and it is those same thought patterns that underpin so much suffering in chronic diseases. How often do we find ourselves exhorting our patients to ‘think positively’, or to engage in years of therapy, only to be disappointed by the outcomes?
QEC provides a quick, permanent way of replacing the ‘negatives’ with ‘positives’, thus allowing the individual to move forward, freed of the baggage holding him/her back. Successful outcomes can often be achieved in one session of 90 minutes, but up to 6 sessions may be required in some individuals.
QEC combines well with TRE and other forms of counselling, and anyone can learn to do it. The scope of QEC is infinite and it can help everyone from those who are healthy, but wish to succeed in business, to those with allergies, phobias, addictions, mental and physical illnesses, to those coping with cancer. In this broken, traumatised and stressed country of ours, it is something that can change the present and future of every single one of us!”
Dr David Nye, Head of Integrative General Practice, South African Society for Integrative Medicine.
QEC comes to Birmingham, UK ~ May 2018
A unique 4-day training to become a QEC certified practitioner is being held for the first time in Europe in May 2018. Open to anyone who is a professional healer or mind or body. Many places already booked.
Further details, videos of participants, flyer and booking information is available here.
“Look at me…”
…are 3 words you wont hear me say.
I have heard them so many times in classrooms, corridors, playgrounds, school gates, offices, restaurants… etc, etc. Sometimes said gently, sometimes forcefully; always a command. I know I used to say them to my class when I was a teacher. It was a long time ago and I didn’t know back then what I know today. In this day and age, when we are all aware of the desperate need for mental health awareness in schools, offices and homes… the dynamics of eye contact is something that needs to be understood, especially for 1:1 situations.
It Still Happens…
Recently I was hearing about someone (a grown-up) who was in a meeting with a Mental Health Professional who said these 3 words to her. She was looking away at the time…at her shoes… and had been for most of the meeting.
Hearing this really saddened me. This lady, the client (or ‘patient’ depending on the situation and service) was left feeling like she had done something wrong in not having given the eye contact and been found out. Now she also felt like a failure that she couldn’t do it, even though she was being asked to do something she found next to impossible at the time. This was a meeting with a professional who clearly didn’t understand the impact of what was going on, what she was doing, or how best to connect with someone not giving eye contact.
In a trauma-aware school or any other setting, where the aim is to keep people big or small emotionally safe and understood, these are words that will be redundant. If adults really learn how to keep others emotionally safe, these words just wont feature. It doesn’t matter whether the condition is anxiety, depression, autism, or just plain fear or shame.
If a child is not looking at an adult in the face it is because they do not feel emotionally safe to do so.
If an adult is not looking at an adult in the face it is because they do not feel emotionally safe to do so.
Really looking at someone in the eye is an incredibly vulnerable thing to do. Have you noticed what happens in your body when you try to do this? With some people it will be easier – with others more uncomfortable and with others, at times, impossible…
and what directs our ability to look someone in the eye is within us.
Our state of confidence, openness, assertiveness. Our sense of safety in that moment.
What actually directs this is our nervous system.
If we are in a state where our ventral vagus is operating, then we are able to make full use of our social engagement system and connect with people around us. We feel safe and we can easily read people around us.
If we are feeling anxious, angry, fearful or overwhelmed, misunderstood or unsafe in anyway, then our nervous system changes, and our dominant drive becomes one to find safety. Our body changes as we are feeling vulnerable and looking at people in the eye in this state is not safe.
IF you have ever been around dogs or horses you will know they will give you the deepest, longest, ‘I really see you’ gaze when they feel safe. They will also give you regular eye contact at a less penetrating level if they want to and feel safe to. If they meet a person or animal they don’t feel safe with they look away. If they know they have done something wrong they look away.
This is biological, survival wiring. It happens to us all when we feel unsafe.
When we ask, direct or demand that someone look at us in the eye – or even look at our face, when they would rather not, then we show them we do not understand them, we do not notice them, or we do not care about them. We communicate we don’t understand them and therefore they are not safe with us. If we do notice and continue to demand their gaze, then we are potentially manipulating a power dynamic – and not in their favour. If there is a power dynamic anyway (e.g. adult telling a child, or professional telling a client) then the dynamics of survival kick in further and the child or client will feel compelled to do what the ‘bigger power’ demands of them…for their survival… and yet their physiology can’t help as it needs to stay safe…it needs to keep looking away.
When I have worked with teachers and parents around this, they have been able to feel in their body the incredible resistance to looking someone in the face/ eye when you don’t feel comfortable with them. “I would rather have looked ANYWHERE other than actually at you at that moment” is common, and appropriate feedback of their short experience of being put in that uncomfortable, pressured situation. [NB: and they say it whilst voluntarily giving me full eye contact and a smile again ;-)]
How to respond when someone isn’t giving you eye contact:-
- notice their lack of eye contact and acknowledge to yourself they are not feeling so safe with you (or this conversation) or themselves right now
- ask yourself if you are doing something that is overwhelming (speaking too fast or too loud, standing too close, moving arms too close, shaming/blaming language)
- change yourself to become less of a threat – this really requires YOU to have a sufficient level of self-awareness and a significant level of desire to bring the best out of the other person
- if the changes you make don’t seem to help them feel safer, ask them gently, if there is anything that would make them feel more comfortable right now.
- do all the above without drawing attention to the fact they are not looking at you.
Schools, families, meeting rooms, offices, well-being clinics, will be safer if those ‘in charge’ can notice the level of eye contact they are being offered by those they are with, as indicators of the level of emotional safety at that time.
‘People are not listening if they are not giving me eye contact’. This is utter untruth. Seriously. This is just conditioned belief and is wrong. It is totally possible to hear what people are saying whilst not looking them in the eye. Read a story to children while they draw and ask them questions about it afterwards if you need proof – and can handle the lack of attention focused on you 😉
If we think we need eye contact before we have someone’s ears then we are sorely mistaken.
“Look this way…”, “look to the board…”, “look over there…” “can you see…” are all great alternatives that help direct vision, without manipulation of power dynamics that make things worse.
In a nut shell
When someone gives you eye contact acknowledge it as the gift they are offering you.
If they can’t give you eye contact then they are not feeling safe with you, or with themselves.
Telling / asking / demanding they give you eye contact is the worst thing you can do to someone feeling unsafe.
Understanding this helps children and adults.
Not drawing attention to it helps children and adults.
Diverting effort into helping them feel less threatened helps children and adults feel safer…
… which naturally in time will enable them to change their internal neuro-physiology and look you in the eye… if they want to.
Children are amazing.
They have incredible persistence, creative thinking, problem solving skills and they LOVE tackling a challenge…especially one that adults have failed to conquer. 😉
So, why don’t we remember this when it comes to getting them taking their vitamins?
There is a larger issue at work here, which I need to mention. One of the strands in the current crisis in health care in the western world is dis-empowerment. We have learnt to dis-empower ourselves and give all power to doctors. We have learnt that health means doing what I am told to do. Taking what I’m told to take, regardless of the reasons, regardless of the side effects, regardless of how I feel about it, or want I think about it. This is a very dis-empowered place. It is a very disconnected place. We disconnect from our bodies, and so we disconnect from our ‘selves’.
Now hear me on this. I do NOT think doctors are a waste of time. No. The best doctors are those who empower their patients with understanding and a voice. Sadly many, especially those in General Practice, don’t have time for that, so it comes back to “what’s wrong? Take this pill to feel better.” [Maybe this is a blog for another time, but I see a strong correlation here to the dis-empowered place that we nurture in kids… one which progresses into them being on the playground, club, alley way, or party and are so used to just putting any pill in their mouth when they are told to without question or discernment…]
So what does this have to do with children and vitamins?
If we want to do our own tiny little bit in helping change this and make cultural shift in our own homes, we need to start by helping children connect with their bodies and utilise all their amazingness to empower them to look after their own body.
When it comes to taking off-the-shelf vitamins, children often just do it because they are so laden with sugar that it is effectively like you are asking them to take a sweet daily: no problem! 🙂 The nutritional integrity of a supplement where the first or second listed ingredient is some form of sugar is always, in my mind, to be questioned.
However, if you ask children to take a top quality nutritional supplement, like the only one I recommend and use, one where the integrity of the product; the ingredients, the actual science and health-based reason for creating that supplement, haven’t been sacrificed on the alter of sweetness and the taste-buds of a generation of sugar-addicted children, then they may, possibly say “no”.
[**Incidentally if you want to know the difference or find out if you are wasting money on sweets or getting the real deal, The Nutrisearch Comparative Guide to Nutritional Supplements helps anyone get clear on which are quality products and which are not.**]
So what do we do?
- Do we let their bodies continue the mission of surviving in this day and age without the extra resources they desperately need?
- Do we allow our conflict-averse selves to believe that they can get everything they need from their food alone (a belief as outdated as ‘computers will never be in every home’).
- Do we try the stealth-ninja technique and hide crushed up tablets in smoothies, yogurt and juice and act all normal, expecting them not to notice? – well, maybe if the children are too small or they really don’t notice.
There is another way. It is a better way. A way that gets me emails of delight from parents celebrating their kids accomplishments (and their children’s pride in themselves) when they follow these 7 simple steps.
7 Simple Steps to Get Children Taking their Vitamins
1. ROLE MODEL – don’t expect your children to do something that you are not doing. If you expect your kids to take vitamins when you don’t, they may be getting a message that it’s ok for them but not for you – that they need it, you don’t – that there is something wrong with them. When a parent leads the way, children quickly watch, learn, follow and a culture of everyone moving towards health gets created.
2. TEACH them, at their level, why it is important to take extra vitamins/ antioxidants/ micro-nutrients. If you need help with this ask.
3. EXPLAIN BENEFITS to them – just some ways these vitamins will help their body in ways that are relevant to them, e.g. help your brain work better, help you be faster at running, help your body stay strong when there are germs around.
4. ACKNOWLEDGE you understand if they don’t like the taste. No matter what it tastes like to your palette, theirs is different. If they think it doesn’t actually taste great, you pretending like it does, or tell them ‘it’s not that bad’ can feel dishonest and like you don’t understand them.
5. ISSUE THE CHALLENGE “I’ve been thinking of how to get these in your body, but I haven’t come up with anything great. So it’s over to you. I challenge you to figure out a way to get them in you. They don’t have to taste nice, you don’t have to love them, I just wonder if you can figure out something I couldn’t – figure out how you could take them?”
6. WALK AWAY and leave them to it (age and safety dependent obviously). Children need the neo-cortex part of their brain to problem solve. When they are feeling under pressure from scrutiny, that part actually shuts off. So give them space, remove all pressure and leave them to it.
7. CELEBRATE when they tell you they’ve cracked it… big deal whoops, high-fives or a low-key 1 sentence if that’s what they prefer, but acknowledge their good job on using their persistence, problem solving, creative thinking and the fact they have found a way to help their body even better than you.
When children feel empowered and curious their resources are unlimited.
Children can do more than we think.
Don’t believe me?
Want to see more on what children can really do when given space to figure things out for themselves ? Watch this TEDx talk.
I love Thai food.
I am currently doing the CHEW Trim Down together with a bunch of lovely parents and professionals, and when I shared this creation in our fb group the requests for the recipe came in. Easier said than done as really I just played in my kitchen, made it up as I went along and surprisingly created… this dish of deliciousness!
The focus of the CHEW Trim Down program is on resourcing the body with what it really needs and as far as food goes, being intentionally intelligent about the food we eat: food that nourishes bodies and minds. This dish does it – low GI, colourful, taste sensations and adaptable to your own level of spice-tolerance.
Ingredients – adjust depending on how many (and how hungry) people you want to feed!
- red onion (1/2) sliced v v thin
- yellow pepper (1/2) sliced v v thin
- orange pepper (1/4) sliced v v thin
- celery (1 stick) chopped into 1 inch pieces and sliced v v thin
- garlic (3 cloves) crushed
- ginger (1 inch) chopped very small (use powdered if you don’t have the real deal – although real is always best 😉 )
- chilli – chopped very small or dried chilli flakes (to taste)
- coconut oil
- fish stock cube (1 – GF)
- coconut milk (1/2 can)
- thai fish sauce (tiny bit!!)
- carrot (1 per person) Spiralized with a Julienne Peeler
- prawns (1/2 small packet)
- mango (1/2 per person) cubed
What I did
- Get ready! Act like a TV chef and get everything chopped, sliced and ready to go before you start. This takes some time, but once the pan is on, it is quick going.
- Heat 1 knob of coconut oil in a casserole – type pan. When melted, add the ginger, garlic and chillies if you are using them. Cook + stir spices together for about 1 minute.
- Add the sliced veg to the spices and cook for about 1-2 minutes until they just begin to soften but are still crunchy.
- Pour in the coconut milk and stir as it heats up. Mix the fish stock cube with a small amount of boiling water and add this to the pan.
- Add a dash of the Thai fish sauce – (I have learnt from past experience always to pour it into the lid then into the pan… straight from the bottle into pan seems to ask for trouble as a little goes a long way!)
- Heat more coconut oil in a separate small frying pan and saute the Julienned carrot for 2-3 minutes until bendy. You can sprinkle with toasted sesame seeds if you have them.
- Add the prawns to the pot and warm through in the liquid concoction. Just before serving add the mango chunks too.
- Either mix the carrot into the big pot and serve all mixed together, or put it in a bowl with ladles of the laksa on top.
Enjoy each and every mouthful – savour the moment.
WOW!! Looks full of light and fun and scrummm!!
Yes, yes it is. x
P.S. Want to know more about the CHEW Trim Down? Get in touch