Aug 1, 2024 | Emotional Wellbeing, GROUNDED, Health, Inspiration, Real Life Stories, Sleep, Trauma
I wrote this in September 2021. It was sent to the readers of the CHEW emails… but in marking the 3 year anniversary, it feels like time to share it with the wider world… in case it helps. x
Year of the Dog
I know it has been a long while sine I last wrote. 2021 for me became the Year of the Dog. My dog. My Hinton. He was given an unexpected diagnosis of cancer back in January and only days or maybe weeks to live. Life went on hold while I focused on supporting him and healing from the shock of the news… it was in every sense traumatic.
Incredibly he made it to July, got to celebrate his 6th birthday and we made yet more incredible memories before we said goodbye at the end of the month. He was woven into every piece of my life – personal and professional. The presence of his absence is huge.
Some people post to Social Media straight away. I couldn’t. It was too painful, too private. It has taken me this long into my own grieving process to be ready and able to let you know he’s gone.
A True Story
I was sitting beside a small, working harbour one afternoon in August. I had gone away with a friend for a while. I needed to see the sea. Still exhausted from 8 months of interrupted sleep caring for him, as well as the weight and energy the initial phase of grieving was taking, I was happy to just sit and watch the world carry on. Seagulls swooped. Tourists swung lines for crabs. Locals sat outside their favourite bars and cafes, and the sun was shining. I felt the gentle breeze on my face. I could smell the nourishing elixir of sea-salt air. I was hearing all the noises and none of them. My eyes settled on one of the boats in the harbour in front of me.
The tide was out and I could see it all. It was exposed. Bereft. Vulnerable. It’s buoyancy had gone. The thing that surrounded and brought it life was gone. This fishing boat was stuck – and stuck on a severe tilt. The single keel was firmly embedded in the soft mud and a few strings of bright green seaweed were caught against it. As I looked at this boat – such a common sight in the everydayness of life in that part of the world – I saw myself.
“I feel like that.” I said to my friend sat silently on the bench with me. “That boat feels like a metaphor for me right now.”
“Eh?”
“I feel stuck and like the thing that was giving me life has gone… and I have absolutely no idea when it will be back. I’m not stable and upright – I’m not safe for other people to come and clamber into my space at the moment.”
“Aah, I see. That’s pretty profound.”
“Well, that’s how I feel.” It didn’t feel profound to me – I trained as a creative arts therapist and learnt the language and power of metaphor many, many years ago.
We continued starring at this boat among many – some more balanced with double keels, others smaller and without any keel, so not on such a great angle.
All ‘my’ boat could do was wait. Just be. Just ‘be’ stuck. ‘Be’ without the life giving energy it needed to do it’s job… or do anything. ‘Be’ on its angle so others couldn’t clamber on board. Just be. I took a breath as I identified with the need for yet more ‘being’ for me. I had little energy to do anything else. It was OK to wait with my boat.
Trickle
And then some truth trickled in. At some point… not knowing when, slowly and gently, that boat would rise again. Life would come back again. Gradually. Buoyancy and function and balance and movement. There would be more stories for this boat… at some point. Although it seemed impossible to imagine that for me at that moment, I tentatively held on to the truth that the sea would come back… at some point. At some point the boat would rise again.
A few weeks on and that metaphor is still a powerful one for me. Metaphors – when they resonate with our subconscious ARE powerful. They help us see our present more clearly. They can bring us clarity and new perspective on the future.
And we don’t have to be in a place of deep pain or significant life change to benefit…. We just have to be willing to be open and honest enough to ask the question – what does my life feel like right now? Sometimes the answer comes from inside, or like me… you could be staring at it.
Take care of you and those around you.
Cx
Claire Wilson is a trauma therapist, behaviour and nervous system specialist with 3 decades of clinical experience. An internationally acclaimed communicator, TEDx speaker, writer and initiative maker. Her book Grounded was the first book published making Polyvagal Theory accessible to normal, non-sciency people, and is now being translated into 6 languages. She is the founder of GROUNDED GrownUps® and the GROUNDED Parent Retreat®. She maintains a private practice, International coaching community and consultations for parents, charities & business owners to help increase their impact by going beyond trauma-informed to trauma-safe.
A sought-after international specialist, and consistent advocate for the voiceless, Claire has been instrumental in getting the world to be significantly safer for children and adults who have experienced trauma. There is still much to do…
claire@groundedgrownups.com
Jul 2, 2024 | GROUNDED, Inspiration, Real Life Stories, Trauma, Uncategorized
I recently found myself in a room of about 150-200 people. We were at a conference. All sat round tables in a nice hotel. The input had been great. The food, honestly, was even better. The connections and networking and human to human support was the best.
And as the 2 day business event drew towards a close, we were led in a group Guided Meditation / Visualization.
The guy leading is a business expert. He is not a therapist. He is not a nervous system specialist. He is not aware of how the world looks and feels to people who have experienced trauma. He has a big heart and just wanted to share with the room something that he himself had been finding really useful at home.
The conversations I had with several people after the final group photo was taken, and we were mingling in the bar (like every great party, no one was quite ready to go home yet) were not surprising to me…
Responses
“I just couldn’t get into it…”
“I thought it was just me…“
“I loved the place he described – that’s my favourite place to be too – but I really didn’t like it when he told us to close our eyes… I felt bad but I kept peeking!! “
“I just couldn’t do it right… I thought it was my fault – there must be something wrong with me”
“Everyone else seemed to be getting into it – I just kept my head down, but I didn’t enjoy it.”
Ladies. (And gents that get this too… obviously). We need to talk.
Truth Time
There are some things you need to know.
This is not just my opinion.
This is truth and fact and neuroscience and the gift of my decades working as a nervous system specialist and therapist with children and adults recovering from trauma.
If you have ever been in a GUIDED MEDITATION / VISUALIZATION situation – especially a group one, and not found it leading you to sparkles and revelation and joy-filled enlightenment… please read on…
1. Guided Visualizations are NOT a useful thing for everyone – they may or may not be for you…. Either way is fine and therefore can have exactly nothing (0%) to do with your ability or sense of self. They call on a part of our subconscious which our body wisdom will know if it’s good for us to access right now – or ever. If you have ever struggled with a guided meditation, please consider dismissing the self-blame and condemnation, and instead thank your internal wisdom for stepping in!
2. If you ‘couldn’t get into it’ it may just simply be that you weren’t feeling safe enough. There are all kinds of reasons why – the environment, the music, the words, the topic, the pacing, the delivery – heck the very Nervous System state of the person leading… or the person sitting next to you… will all be affecting you subconsciously and if you are not feeling deeply safe, then you will not be able to access your subconscious in the way a Guided meditation (good one) requires. Our bodies are set to keep us safe – and our internal, not-turn-off-able ‘I’m not safe right now’ detection system is strong and powerful and will literally stop us becoming vulnerable in a setting that it has assessed is not safe enough.
3. If you have ANY negative history with breathing (I know I don’t need to specify) – a meditation that starts out with instructions and specifics on how to breathe will not be safe for you. End of. Do your own breathing. Your body has and is keeping you alive. Your body is amazing. Your body knows the way to healing and recovery and safety, and for many, MANY people, starting with breathing is NOT it. You are not weird or wrong or dysfunctional in any way! Relief sigh? 😉
4. The room looks like ‘everyone else is getting into it’ because we are BRITISH… and many of us have learnt to survive by Appeasing. This is a trauma response. We endured by disappearing, by not rocking the boat or going against what is being asked/expected of us. For some this was the survival skill that literally saved our little lives. For others it was one of our biggest lessons from education and is the result of decades of systemic cultural conditioning and abdication away from our self / our body wisdom / our authenticity. It is a journey to learn to live a different way… especially in a culture that is not quite ready to do its own work yet.
5. The dynamic of a group Guided Meditation is utterly different to a personal one. In your own home, listening to a track and visualizing along with a familiar voice can be utterly empowering. The voice is talking to you, but you are in control. Being in a live room with hundreds of others, led by a person on a platform, who you can’t turn off, slow down or even pause while you really find that comfy position for your own body, or notice as you tune in to your body, you actually need to pee and go do that…is VERY different.
Notice the power imbalance of the live setting, and if you ever feel disempowered – you can take back your power by disengaging. Think about something else. Go to the toilet. Yup. I know… Yes you can… I give you permission, if it is still hard to give it to yourself… please do what you need to, to honour what your body is telling you. If you are not enjoying it – you can stop trying harder. Disconnect from it, not you. It is not your fault. It is your brilliant wisdom. Feel into your choice to disengage, own it, celebrate it and while it may seem wildly scary the first few times… you may notice me cheering like a loon for you in the corner of your mind’s eye. It’s OK to start to keep yourself safe, and honour your process without blame.
I want to let you know, I was so impressed with the guy who led this experience. He was open and asked for my guidance and help to make it better: safer for everyone, next time. His heart is 100% in the right place – and he is owning that he doesn’t know what he doesn’t know. I love working with people like this. Open, reflective, teachable and willing to change. Whatever platform we have, whatever the size of our audience… our impact will be positive or negative – depending on the amount of safety we create for our customers, our clients, our people.
I know his next time will be safer…he may even have more people choose to work with him in future as a result…
But do our agreements still stand ladies… ?
Further Reading To learn more about how bodies communicate, how Nervous Systems impact everything and how to start implementing the science of safety for your people read GROUNDED. www.groundedbook.net . It’s for everyone who was ever a child.
Claire Wilson is a trauma therapist, behaviour and nervous system specialist with 3 decades of clinical experience. An internationally acclaimed communicator, TEDx speaker, writer and initiative maker. Her book Grounded was the first book published making Polyvagal Theory accessible to normal, non-sciency people, and is now being translated into 6 languages. She is the founder of GROUNDED GrownUps® and the GROUNDED Parent Retreat®. She maintains a private practice, International coaching community and consultations for parents, charities & business owners to help increase their impact by going beyond trauma-informed to trauma-safe.
A sought-after international specialist, and consistent advocate for the voiceless, Claire has been instrumental in getting the world to be significantly safer for children and adults who have experienced trauma. There is still much to do…
claire@groundedgrownups.com
Apr 27, 2023 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, GROUNDED, Health, Inspiration, Trauma
Today has been COMPOST DAY.
Finally, I got to a job that has been waiting for a while. Today the various planets aligned:- the weather was dry; my energy level and inclination were primed and yesterday’s computer-heavy day required an outside day today; AND the bees that had taken up residence have finally moved on!
So, I moved compost from my (‘dalek’) bins into the blue broken paddling pool that I bought years ago for my dog. He hated it, he was all about real water – lakes, streams, sea, ponds… not small plastic apple-shaped ridiculousness. Well, I love a good recycle. It makes for the best compost turning container.
And as is my way, amid the physical effort of turning the layers with my gardening fork, watching and chatting to the worms, picking out the sticks that would take the next decade to decompose, there was a lot of awe and wonder.
Awe + Wonder
I am in awe that the ‘rubbish’, the left overs, the peelings and clippings and cuttings of life can, given the right environment and balance, evolve into black gold…
That the very bits that could so easily be thrown out to fill up landfill, can so easily be kept and save me oodles of ££ not needing to buy compost each year.
And my other ponderings were around the metaphor of it all.
Composting Life
I pondered about the importance of composting the things of life we would otherwise wish to just throw away. The experiences we wish we could discard, disown, distance our very selves from.
All those things stay with us, and whether we like it or not, they affect us. Especially if we think we have put them behind us, got over them, and are OK now… the chances are, if we haven’t allowed them to settle, to be turned over gently, respectfully, to allow the mess and the impact of it to spill out into a safe container of someone else’s presence… then we are most likely not as ‘over it’ as we thought.
Impact
The tough stuff of life impacts our nervous system. It’s no surprise – the thing that we were created with to help us keep ourselves safe, and respond accordingly when we are not, never turned off. It has been witness to it all. All of it. And the surprise comes often to those who don’t realise that our incredible nervous system can get stuck. If we never completed the full process with an event, we never did our composting, then our nervous system is still holding on to it somewhere in our muscles, our breathing, our behaviour, and yes, deep in our subconscious. However old we are, our survival response can so easily become our normal… if we try to by-pass the composting part.
The Most Important Work of All
If you are a parent or work 1:1 with a child in any capacity, then this is really important.
- If you are a school staff member this is really important.
- If you are SLT, or a Head this is super important.
- If you are a therapist working with children this is requisite.
- If you are a Children’s Guardian this is really important.
- If you are a social worker around children, this is fundamentally important.
It can be really nice to hide ourselves away in the business of children’s lives when all along we are still running away from the reality and impact of our own. Avoidance. Denial.
Invitation
So my invitation is to get composting. Get a quality container… a sound, trauma recovery equipped therapist. Get with a trained and qualified professional who truly understands how your brain has changed. Work together with someone who is trained and knowledgeable on how your body has been impacted all these years and what it will take to allow your nervous system to get ‘unstuck’. Get, or maybe…prioritize… Make time to make it happen.
Because when we have taken the time, made the effort (and my body right now, knows the composting work that went on today absolutely was effort!) and turned the decomposing, smelly, I’d-rather-not-have-to-go-near-that-again’ off-cuts of our life into beautiful black gold, they don’t smell any more. They are not icky to touch. We can hold them. Own them. Integrate them. The pain doesn’t crumple us like before. Instead of running away from, distancing ourselves from the memories of it, we now find our selves resourced in a whole new way.
Treasure
A store of good compost is the gardener’s richest treasure. If we want to do anything, grow anything in our life, doing it with our own, well-processed compost, sets us up well for future events. Our healed experiences become part of our wisdom. Our processing in the presence of another equips us for safer relationships to come. Our courage and commitment to our recovery strengthens us. Our body actually becomes stronger when the things that caused stored stress are re-processed, re-formatted and flow is restored again to our system. We become a more stable, grounded, resourced, understanding and insightful part of the future. And if we are around children… they are way more likely to sense us as safe to them. If we choose to be around hurting children, then the amount of our own composting we have done/continue to do, means our very body and our essence is a beacon of authentic hope to theirs. A promise. We can become a light in the darkness…
Jan 13, 2023 | Emotional Wellbeing, Inspiration, Real Life Stories, Sleep, Trauma, Uncategorized
When your area of specialism is trauma and bodies, you know it, spot it happening for others even when they might not realise it themselves. Trauma happens in all sorts of ways, and this is a common one that has impacted so many dog owners. If we don’t recognise our experience as traumatic (if it actually was), then it is harder to process and the impact of this time can linger in our heart, our nervous system, and wider body for a long time. I wrote this for a special someone I know… I’m sharing it here in case it helps you too.
Dear You
I am thinking of you. I am so sorry you are having to walk through such a tough time at the moment, and just when it seemed like things finally were feeling lighter for you. There is something I want desperately to say to you, but I know right now in these first few stunned hours, you will probably not want to hear it, be able to process it or even have any inclination to spend time connecting with me. Today you need your own time and you need to be uninterrupted by other peoples’ thoughts…so I will message you simply that I am thinking of you. I will write out what my heart is holding for you here, and maybe when you are ready for this you can come to it in your own time.
Other People
You know, people will say all sorts of things to you now. Things that you may or may not find helpful to receive. Please remember, so often they are speaking from their own needs. They care about you, they mean well, but they will tell you the things they need to hear, the things that they are comforting themselves with. If what you hear helps – great. IF what you hear doesn’t help or support you – no worries.
One thing you may hear directly or maybe just implied…
many other people have been through what you are going through…
or
I understand exactly what you are going through…
and here’s what I want to say to you.
You are unique
They have not and cannot understand exactly what you are going through. You are unique. As are they. Their life is, was, has been different to yours. Their personality, their way of coping, their hopes, dreams, their connections all different to yours…. the details of how this unfolded… and their relationship with their dog was different to yours too.
You have your own treasured moments, memories that will, in time (and it may be a long time), be a solace… but for now you are alone in the uniqueness of your grief and I want you to know I understand that. It is horrible and it is so hard. It may feel too much – or numbly nothing right now. You are still seen, and respected, and supported. The process you are in now and the one you will be going through (as it does change) for a while… are honoured by me.
Trauma
Many people realise that hearing unexpected tragic news about your dog is devastating… and especially when it comes as a surprise, after so many other vets have said there is nothing really wrong. Not many people realise it is often, actually traumatic. Professionally, I know when to use that word accurately, and last week was one of them. From now on, when you consider the traumatic things that have happened in your life, hearing that news just a few days ago needs to be on the list. It will have changed you – not just your heart but your body, your nervous system… and now… there is grief too.
Here is something people often forget. Trauma and grief are different. We can go through trauma without grief. Sometimes we experience grief without trauma. They are different things, impact us differently and need different things to help us recover. Sometimes we experience them together. They enmesh, yet are still different.
Your Body
The one thing I know to be helpful at times like this is to let your body lead you. Cry when you need to without any need to hide or apologize to anyone or even yourself. If there are no tears right now, make no apologies for that either. There are no ‘ought’s and ‘should’s at the moment. Sleep when you can whatever time of day it happens. Eat whatever you want when you can – it doesn’t matter what it is… just something to keep your blood levels steady and your body’s cells resourced to help you through this life-altering time. Drink water.
Be around whoever you want to be around… and leave when you want. Speak to whoever or no one. You get to call the shots right now and you have people around you who will respect that (even if they don’t fully understand- see my point above, they will be expecting you or advising you to do or be how they would or want you to.)
You have permission to be however you need to be. Today. Tomorrow and for days to come. You are loved. Your journey is yours.
Unspeakable Treasure
The dynamics of connection, belonging, understanding, acceptance, knowing, fun, partnership, responsibility, trust and meaning that happen when there is a precious bond between a human and a dog are just some of the facets of the treasure life was with them. You will know, it is hard to put it into words. The hole of their absence is also indescribable.
Life has been interrupted again. It will never get back to ‘normal’ because your precious one is forever gone. There will be different life… eventually…. if you let you take your time… your body can recover… one day there will be ‘ok’.
In the meantime… you know where I am. x
written by Claire Wilson for someone special… and everyone.
Claire is a Trauma therapist. A dog lover who lived through both trauma and grief with her furry one.
The author of Grounded, TEDx speaker and the Founder of GROUNDED GrownUps®
Feb 5, 2022 | Emotional Wellbeing, GROUNDED, Inspiration, Real Life Stories, School, Trauma, Uncategorized
STILL…
Did you see the waves come through?
Did you feel the tremors?
Did you notice everyone hold their breath and freeze, go faster, do more or panic out loud with previously unheard screams; loss and pain that may yet reverberate through generations.
Did you scream? Cry? Hold your breath? Did you stop, retreat, collapse, or push through, push on, push out?
2 years…. And still counting…
It is not over.
The waves are still coming.
The tremors still rumble and all around structures are being shaken, falling, failing, disintegrating.
Danger often comes from outside. We are held safe and supported or impacted – even threatened, by what is going on around us. Jobs… culture… services…structures… leadership… legalities. Squeeze. Contract.
Change.
Community trauma.
Communities change.
And the hardest part. The additionally traumatizing part of it all… is when leaders don’t see.
Can’t see.
When they hide their eyes. Deny impact. Disconnect. And like a child shutting down in a classroom, can’t help their behaviour. They simply live out their patterns. Their own curated collections of trauma still unseen, un-visited, pain unacknowledged. Upper lip stiffened years ago. Lip service all they can muster. Bluster. Souls still toughened with danger-proof steel. Focus narrow. Numbers. Tangibles. Tables. Survive chaos by control. Deflection. Distraction. Control.
When they keep going and going and going and….
When they get smaller, and bigger, and tighter, and less authentic and more powered. More power-fuel. Their conundrum of mis-alignment growing with each new challenge. Shock. Blow. Still unbroken. Lips unquivering. Unflinching. Unaware without and within. Perpetuating impact for others. Amplifying Pain.
When they deem the best way is forward. With blinkers and denial and blame and formulated standards. Power used for preservation. Subconscious intention.
When they grab back the boxes. Grapple a way back to ‘normal’.
But it is not normal.
Normal got swept away by the waves that were higher than the highest buildings.
Normal was buried under the rubble of these times.
Goodbye normal.
We need to bring you flowers. To place candles and vigil in the streets. We need time to mourn you too. It would help us, to demonstrate and collate, to slow and be still and acknowledge our loss of precious, steadfast, idolized, idealized Normal.
These times. Now. Not familiar. They are turbulent. Still.
Life has been changed. We have all been in the sea of it. All of us. Some got boats. Some died. Others are drowning. Still.
Gasping. Desperate. Too long spent existing beyond themselves. It is not over. Still.
Change and uncertainty remains. Exhaustion flooding. Tolls are being taken.
We could survive together. We have better chances together.
All of us need…all of us.
But when leaders continue to cling on to their survival patterns of disconnection. When leaders remain ignorant of themselves. They can not empathize. They cannot be together. Their bodies simply cannot be.
There is no allowance for grieving Normal. No tolerance for tangible truth. No sense in wasting time being still. Not good optics to be seen standing in streets acknowledging such cosmic change. Impact.
Hide. Still.
Trauma from years back changed them. Then. Now. It is no longer possible to connect with others. To acknowledge pain. It is too much. May crush what’s left of them… their survival selves… their remains… they cannot allow that. They cannot stop. CanNOT be weak. Must not be broken. Must not look back. Must carry on. Pretending. Functioning. Freezing. Desperate. Numb. Brains on over drive. Doing the only thing they know to do. Survive. Preserve. Power. Assert. Rules. Direct. Clamber back control.
And all the while appeasing those leading them.
Still.
STILL by CLAIRE WILSON
Founder of GROUNDEDGrownUps®
For more insight on nervous systems and the impact of the past, check out her book
GROUNDED – Discovering the Missing Piece in the Puzzle of Children’s Behaviour
or her TEDx talk
Mar 15, 2020 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, GROUNDED, Health, Inspiration, Sleep, Trauma, Uncategorized
Fresh Insights on Corona Virus : What we can learn about ourselves and othersTelling someone who is scared not to be is about as supportive and effective as telling someone who is ranting to calm down.
It doesn’t work. It doesn’t help.
The thing about a big event like this pandemic is that it affects us. It restricts us. This invisible ‘thing’ is now the reason we cannot do what we want to do. We cannot live the way we want to. We cannot travel. We cannot work. We cannot go visit our family who may be sick. Even if we are not feeling the physical effects of the virus, many of us are feeling our lives be curtailed by this thing we didn’t see coming.
Some of us are ok with it.
Being calm is easy. Empathy abounds. We have no problem seeing ourselves as a significant member of our national / global community. We are flexible, resourceful, creative. Being logical is no big deal.
But for some of us it can leave us feeling overwhelmed. Feeling small. Feeling powerless.
And if there is any event back in the earlier pages of our life story where something happened that had us feeling these same feelings; small, overwhelmed, dis-empowered, then our current reality may well be accompanied by the music of that time. Our body instinctively moving the same dance: muscles extra tight. Our heart rate elevated. Our breathing quicker and our view of the world the same : not a happy or safe place to be. We have to give in. We want to hide.
We want to whisper “please don’t tell me to stop feeling scared. You have no idea of the nightmares that have been triggered in me. My body remembers… This is how things are. We are being overwhelmed by this ‘thing’. We can’t get away… it’s out to get us and it will. That’s just how it is.”
And for some of us it can leave us feeling on edge. Anxious. Wondering what is coming next. Waiting for the inevitable… next.
Because if there are moments, even far back in our story, where we lived this way before, where we were used to being on the look-out, waiting, anticipating the next bad thing to happen… we learnt that there is …. always… a next… And those harmonies will accompany our current experience. And our body will start that dance again… tight muscles, sweaty palms, racing thoughts, butterflies in the tummy and hyper-focusing on every detail of what is going on around us…
We want to beg “don’t tell me to not worry. Don’t tell me It’s nothing. I am scared, and my body remembers. I am at the mercy of this invisible force out to hurt us all. I need to watch its every move. Need to keep moving. To duck and dive, to run. I can smell it coming… my nightmares have begun again.”
And for some of us it can leave us feeling annoyed. Feeling angry. Feeling disrespected.
The echoes of not being noticed, not being honoured, from times gone by now pumping their revengeful war-dance through our entire system. We want to shout ”I will not be pushed around! I will not be dwarfed and belittled by this force. I will defend myself. Defend my rights. I will survive. I will do what it takes and keep moving. I am full of energy and I will shop and travel and keep living MY life on MY terms. I will make sure I am the bigger one this time! I cannot, will not, allow myself to do otherwise.”
You see for most of us right now – trying to be logical and explain facts will not help. We live from our nervous system state and if our body has us in a defense state (mobilise or shut down) then it is impossible to truly hear and comprehend facts. It is impossible to discern truth from hype. It is impossible for your brain to calm your body when your body memories have been a-woken and are screaming messages of un-safety at your brain.
So What CAN We Do now?
Let us not tell each other to calm down – but let’s lead ourselves. Let us be the change we want to see.
It is for each of us to really pay honest attention to our own response to this situation and extend ourselves some compassion and permission to listen to the music we are hearing. To listen out for the internal strains of fear, overwhelm, or defiance… To notice the dance we are doing in our body and quietly ask ourselves when we learnt those steps?
To consider what this experience reminds me of?
To pay attention to ourselves in a new and gentle way.
Because the truth is – it is unlikely we have actually lived this exact situation before.
The truth is that it just feels like we are unsafe now the way we were unsafe in the past…
So now
Now we can notice ourselves and our body.
Now we can move – our arms and legs, we can get up, we can move from room to room, into the garden, or outside.
Now we can acknowledge the pent-up energy in our body and express it safely, or honour it and soothe it.
Now we can choose what we will focus on. We can listen to the story our body is singing and see where we may still need to befriend ourselves, to heal and to grow in order to bring that old music to a close.
Now we can reach out and connect with others who are safe for us. We can use technology and still benefit from their calming smile, their twinkly eyes, their soothing, honouring, respectful presence, and their ability to help us giggle our way to safety, and find logic and perspective again.
And when we are brought into a state of safety within, then and ONLY then, we can intentionally choose our own response to the way our life is being altered and find the good in it, the things we can be grateful for, the space, the time, the peace, the spontaneous fun.
