Jun 9, 2015 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, Inspiration, Play Therapy, Resources, School, Trauma, Uncategorized
Fact – life is full of beginnings and endings
Fact – both beginnings and ending can be precious or painful, significant or nondescript.
The kind of endings I am thinking about right now, are the ones that you know are coming, the ones you get to do a count down to, the ones that, even though you would quite like them not to happen, and for things not to change from how they are now, you also realize they are going to happen, things are going to change and that’s how it is.
In fact in truth, sometimes these endings are, in part OK – there is an excitement about what might come next and the adventurer in me, who likes to develop and grow and evolve is fully accepting of this season of counting down to the next chapter… Let me explain.
I have been doing all my clinical work for the last 7 years in the same room. It is a lovely, lovely room. Both adults and children often comment how safe and calm and peaceful it feels – for one boy “it is my best place in the world”. I like it in here too. Special things happen here.
I found out a few weeks ago that my days here are numbered. Literally. I know when the end of this term is and the date of the day I will work here, pack up and leave – not to come back to work in this place in this way again.
I feel sad. As I sit here in the peace on my own, no clients imminent, I have to acknowledge I have so many memories. Tiny tots, KS 1s, KS 2s, KS 3s, parents, teachers, other professionals have all had special moments in here.
I look round the room at my tool kit – the memories of different people who had breakthrough in expressing themselves with different toys and tools.
There is more than I can remember. Special things. Moments. Memories. Treasures. So why do I feel so sad? Because they have been special and leaving a special place or ending a special time is hard. I am grateful for all the lives that have changed though the journey’s people have felt safe enough to take in this room. I am grateful for the privilege of even having access to a clinical room for 7 years.
I am human. I have connected with people and this place – just as children connect with their teachers and classrooms. I hope the treasures – the memories and moments that have happened in groups and classroom communities over the last academic year will be able to be collected, heard, remembered.
I hope that the ‘do you remember when…’ game I am playing on my own due to confidentiality (with highlights being shared with my clinical supervisor!) – will be well played out loud in the communities in schools and families…and given proper time so each memory can be honored.
Ending well is such a special healthy process. It is like grieving while the person is still alive…. The biggest gift we have though is the time and chance to say what this place / person has meant to us, before we have to say goodbye. So often in life we try to not talk about the endings, put all our focus on the ‘transition’ to the new thing, or leave it until the last minute when we can’t really process the emotions as we are too busy doing the practical.
It happens in life. It happens in schools each year.
This time is important. These memories are special and the feelings we go through as we realize just how much, are to be honored and expressed.
Before we really start a transition, and looking to the future, let’s all give ourselves time to see what we remember …. and acknowledge and celebrate all that has been.
Mar 24, 2015 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, Play Therapy, Resources, School, Trauma, Uncategorized
What happens when a child is clearly really struggling in school?
Their behaviour changes; maybe they get more withdrawn, or more aggressive. Maybe they stop communicating or start shouting. They become explosive or hard to reach at all.
They become unpredictable…and it can be really hard to know what to do for the best..
So here is my question…
What happens when a child is really struggling in school?
…and I am not meaning with the child.
Experience has shown me that when things get really tricky with a child in school (and it happens in the nicest of schools from time to time), it causes an increase in staff stress. It is understandable. It is hard to be with a child when you don’t know what they might do next, when you don’t understand what is making them tick…or what is making them boom.
In your school when this happens with a child maybe it is time to stop and check-in with the list below…
1. Consider that 1 child may be being dealt with by up to 8+ people… 
who may include Learning mentor, CFSW, Teacher/s, Class TA, Senco, Deputy and or Head, and then any external professionals…
For children who are already struggling this many interactions or number of adults involved directly with them, increases the amount of people they need to ‘work out’. It actually increases their sense of needing to be on alert, and keeps their nervous system activated at such a level that explosions can happen easily from one seemingly small trigger.
2. Every one of the above adults may each have an increase of their own emotions around what is happening.
Anxiety at what might happen next, fear about how they may be criticized or regarded for not being able to ‘control’ the child, anger at what other staff do or don’t do, mixed with emotional and physical exhaustion (these kind of times can start to affect sleep)… Etc etc.
Every one of these internalised emotions will change each of the adults nervous system activation. The child will sense the tension in the individuals they spend time with as well as any lack of unity or respect between the adults and again this fuels their sense of not being safe. Another way of looking at it is the way children get nervous when they know things are not ok between their parents or close family members. They don’t have to hear disagreements or shouting to know things are not all ok… And ‘things are not ok between my special adults who look after me’ also means ‘I am not safe’.
3. Each of these adults will have their own take on what needs to happen.
If there is no cohesive and shared understanding of what is going on with this child and why they are behaving like this, then each adult will start to chip in their own ideas as to what needs to happen.
Very quickly the struggling child now has several different changes happening and may or may not understand why, may or may not feel happy with the changes and may be caught in the middle of mis (or non) -communication between the various adult parties and their various new ideas for how things should be. This can so easily add to their sense of being out of control and too much change. If it doesn’t help increase their sense of safety, it will almost certainly significantly DECREASE it…leading to more of the ‘I’m struggling’ behaviour.
4. Children can be complex. They can also be incredibly straightforward. There will always be a reason for a change in behaviour.
At times like this it is so important for a school staff ‘sub-team’-around-a-child to be contained, well led, clearly guided, trained-up and brought together to work as a complete container for the child. If it is not clear to those in school as to what is going on and why, then it can be really helpful to get an outside perspective. But not one that only looks at the behaviour!
The home background may be a significant factor and if the child is not understood in light of this then the child is not understood.
The issue may be something in school.
The issue may be a combination of home and school dynamics.
The issue may be finally they are no longer able to keep a lid on their previously internalised feelings about something that happened to them a while ago (that others may have forgotten or thought didn’t affect them).
When a child is struggling it can be really easy to put all the attention and focus on the child and changing them. The big unspoken desire of the adult – collective involved is often for the behaviour to just stop. This focus may mean missing out noticing some of the key ways a child is being helped or hindered by school staff, through a difficult time. Above all, children and adults want and need to feel safe.
Qu: What needs to happen to increase that sense of safety during the school day?
Ans. child:……………………………………………………………
Ans. each key adult involved:………………………………………………………………………
Further Questions to Consider If/When this situation arises
- Is the reason for the behaviour or why the child is struggling clearly understood by anyone?
- Who are the adults in daily contact with the child & family?
- Is the behaviour understood in light of the reason by all the adults in daily contact with the child?
- How is this situation making each of the adults feel?
- Is there clarity as to how the adults and their emotions and subconscious feelings and thoughts might be affecting their own behaviour, their nervous system and the child?
- Is there clarity as to what helps this child feel safe?
- What do the key adults need to help them feel safer (ie to lower their own nervous system activation?)
- Are all adults briefed and agreed together before any new changes are brought in?
- How is the communication between these staff?
- How is the sense of respect, team and being on the same page between staff?
- Who and how and when is this sub-team around the child being supported / contained through this time?
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Dec 11, 2014 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, Health, Play Therapy, Resources, School, Uncategorized
Overwhelm
Burnout
Compassion fatigue
Stress
Exhaustion
Crazy
I have heard all these words in the last few weeks as I have spoken with a variety of professionals working in and with schools. So many children are struggling. The need is still huge… and that may or may not change anytime soon.
For those who resonate with this, then there are some good questions to ask yourself and really, slowly and honestly answer:-
- Why do I feel like this?
- What do I secretly want to do/ achieve?
- What can I actually offer?
- How will I know when I have made a difference?
- How many children / families will I make a difference to before I consider I have done a good enough job?
For many people – especially those that really care about children, and are really good at their jobs (teacher, therapist, family support worker, mentor, senior staff, etc etc) – the sense of “I could help so many more….” which is often internalised as “I should help so many more….” is a real threat to mental health and emotional well-being.
This gremlin lurks at the door of our subconscious and holds hands with the ever present ‘not enough’. Sometimes it stands on the shoulders of ‘professional failure’ sometimes it giggles and whispers with ‘going to be found out’.
I have been there on occasion in the past – I can relate. However, there is something I think that is really, really powerful in helping breakthrough the sense of inner (and sometimes outer) ‘I’m not doing enough’ that is often at the root of these feelings.
Asking yourself this question- ‘what is my part to play?’
We care. We want to change the world.
Some people want to save the world – or at least all the children in it…
Is it possible that we can save the world?
Is that our role?
Is that our remit?
Coming back to clarity of what each of us is called to be and do can really help. Understanding our unique purpose gives us power to know the things we are responsible for and the things we are not. We can set boundaries around our behaviour and our own gremlins and show them clearly the areas we can hold ourselves accountable in.
And we can consider the biggest story of the season – 
the one being played out all over the country at the moment – the story that some would say is actually the one that is about starting to save the world.
The Nativity.
What would have happened if the Wise men weren’t free to travel and respond to the times because they were also trying to be inn-keepers?
What if the shepherds tried to be more pensive and inwardly reflect on things as Mary did?
What would have happened if Mary or Joseph weren’t content to just make a journey and deliver a baby but felt they should also rush over the hills to spread the news to the villages?
The story is bigger than any single one of them. They each had a unique part to play.
We still do today…
In this bleak mid-winter we can all be wise (wo)men…and….(be ok to) do our part.
Oct 24, 2014 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, Play Therapy, School, Trauma, Uncategorized
I have come to know a fair bit about trauma… through my various therapeutic trainings, Masters research and real life lessons! From this combination of knowledge and real-lived experience I want to help more therapeutic professionals understand how trauma impacts a child and what to do to help them.
If you work therapeutically with children or young people then it is highly likely that some of them have experienced trauma…and may still be in a state of post traumatic stress. This is rarely understood by the parents and other professionals around the child, and so our understanding is incredibly important.
This course is for anyone working in a therapeutic role with children.
Whether you are a qualified therapist, therapeutic play specialist, or still in training, this will be relevant to you, if you want
- some CPD around Trauma and PTSD
- to learn about the way trauma affects a body
- to hear some of the latest research around Trauma and effective treatment
- to explore issues around diagnosis and mis-diagnosis
- to consider the healing path out of the grip of trauma
TRAUMA TRAINING for therapists and therapeutic specialists : Working Therapeutically with Children who have experienced Trauma
NEXT COURSES
Birmingham: Date – Saturday April 18th, 2015 ~ 9.45am – 4.00pm
Cost: £110 Earlybird price until March 13th. Then FULL PRICE £125. Lunch included.
If you are a therapist or trainee self-funding then let us know and you will get the £110 rate.
Location: Don Bosco House, Coleshill, B46 3EA. GREAT ACCESS from across the Midlands. Very near M42 and M6 j4. Free Parking. Also short taxi from Birmingham Int Train Station and Birmingham Int Airport!
Places are limited, so it is always first come first served.
Download the booking form to email here OR send us an email with your details and request an invoice here
Surrey: Date – tbc in summer
Location: tbc
Being organised at the request of and in collaboration with Marbles Play Therapy.
Send an email to register your interest, and make sure you are notified as soon as the finer details are pinned down for this ‘southern’ version.
A really great day, I have learned a lot of new things about trauma and PTSD.
It’s good to know what to look out for in the clients I work with.
It all made a lots of sense and I hope to use this information when talking to other professionals. Thank you!
Well presented + paced – a real variety of teaching styles included.
A good day that I will recommend to others.
A really interesting day – It has helped me to make lots of connections between things I was unsure of before. I want to learn more! Thank you.
I found the training invaluable for my roles both therapeutically and also as a teacher.
WANT to get this or other CHEW courses in your area? Just get in touch and let’s start talking.
Oct 10, 2014 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, Inspiration, Play Therapy, School, Trauma, Uncategorized
In real life, if your boiler is leaking you need a plumber.
If you need brain surgery you don’t call on your dentist.
A recent conversation with some delegates on one of my courses has had me pondering.
Why is it, if in the rest of life when we need specialist help we seek out the appropriate specialist, do we not apply the same logic to our children?
Are you just getting PopCorn?
With changes in the way school and local authority budgets are currently run there is now a plethora of independent organisations popping up like corn puffs to help schools with their challenging pupils. This is not necessarily wrong but how do schools and parents know who to choose? What standards or criteria should you be using to help determine a good, safe and ethical choice?
Most people recognise that many children who have been through tough stuff in life are not just ‘badly behaved’ but may well be depressed or have other mild or severe mental health conditions. So who should they work with?
Who would you want to work with?
If you had a mental health condition would you call in the dentist, plumber or brain surgeon? Clearly not. You would surely want to work with someone experienced and qualified – someone who specializes in this field?
This is a serious issue. Why?
Because repeatedly assigning children to ‘interventions’ that are not appropriate for them, or sending them to sessions with someone who is not adequately trained, qualified or experienced to work with them, may tick some temporary boxes, but will most likely:-
- 1. not ‘work’ so the child is not any better off, infact they are now worse off because it
- 2. leaves the child with a sense of failing and / or not being good enough and
- 3. reinforces a child’s belief that they are too hard to help, no one understands them and it’s their fault.
- 4. teaches the child that 1:1 sessions will not help them, which then makes it harder to build trust if they do get to meet someone who is appropriate to help them in the future.
10 things to consider when choosing people to do therapeutic work with your children...
- Ask them for proof (i.e. see the certificates) of their qualifications. They should be from reputable and accredited training organisations.
- Don’t allow people in training to work with your most damaged children. If they are working ethically they will know this is not appropriate too. If they are part of a team, then check the credentials of the particular person assigned to actually do the 1:1 work.
- Anyone doing therapy or counselling with children safely and ethically will have regular clinical supervision with a trained, qualified clinical supervisor. This is crucial for the effectiveness of the therapy and as a safeguard to the work, and they won’t mind if you ask who this is and even want to contact the supervisor directly to check.
- They will have the obvious CRB and insurance too.
- They will be a member of a recognised organisation. You can ask to see their membership card or check their credentials and that their membership is current with that organisation.
- They will be working to the ethical framework of their membership organisation. They should be able to tell you about this or even better be able to show it to you.
- They will be able to talk to you about the therapeutic model they work with. Not all children benefit from a talking or CBT approach for example.
- Remember the skills and approaches needed to work with children aged 4-12 are very different from working with teens. Just because someone has a great track record with young people does not mean they can necessarily work safely with younger ones.
- There should be regular reviews of the work and some type of measure of the effectiveness.
- They should be listed on the AVR the Accredited Voluntary Register. A government initiative to have a register of credible practitioners.
The practice of treating broken boilers by sending in a plasterer will never help the boiler to mend….and I am grateful to know of several schools, organisations and parents that already understand this and are seeking out the specialist help these children need.
.
Jul 7, 2014 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, Play Therapy, School, Trauma
Have you heard about PLAY THERAPY?
Have you thought it might be something for you?
Are you keen to learn some new approaches to enhance your current work with children?
Have you wondered what it actually is and what type of children actually benefit?
Are you considering training but would like to have a taster before you make that big commitment?
then you need to know the
NEXT PLAY THERAPY TASTER DAY IS Jan 17th 2015, near M42, M6, Birmingham
If any of the above answers are ‘YES’, then you sound like the kind of person I’m talking to; the kind of person I have been thinking about for a while now. So often people ask me what they should do as a next step to find out more, and yes there are some great books, but there is nothing like experience to give you a real flavour and deeper understanding of what it is…and what it isn’t!
Do you like a bargain? Yes? Then act fast. The EARLY BIRD rate ends on Oct 31st.
If this doesn’t sound like your bag, then who do you know that needs to know about it? You could end up playing a part in their new career…how cool would that be?
DOWNLOAD A FLYER here
DOWNLOAD A Booking Form here
Any questions feel free to get in touch and ask!
See you there!
“A very moving and inspiring day filled with lots of great practices, that I can not wait to action.” Senior Learning Mentor
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“I just wanted to say thank you once again for the Play Therapy Taster Day. Wow, what talents you have. It’s heartening to see someone with real passion, skill and integrity working with children. The impact on me from the day has been huge.” Deputy Head
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“In a short space of time you have given me so much to ‘chew’ over. I have a lot of reflecting to do upon my work and what happens in the school I work in. Thank you :0)” Assistant Head
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“A great day! A chance to learn and reflect – both personally and professionally.” Deputy Head
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“Very valuable, ‘hands-on’ approach to the day makes it more connective and has made me more aware of myself and how children feel.” Child + Family Support Worker
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“An excellent day – Thank YOU!” Retired Head – up-skilling as a Grandparent
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“A fabulous snap shot of the tools of a play therapist and how they can be used to support our most vulnerable children.” Pastoral Worker
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“Thank you. A great experience in a safe environment. I have learnt lots and reflected on many issues.” Assistant Head
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“What a brilliant day!! An opportunity to play all day and learn how to support children better at the same time.” Teacher
I have been doing all my clinical work for the last 7 years in the same room. It is a lovely, lovely room. Both adults and children often comment how safe and calm and peaceful it feels – for one boy “it is my best place in the world”. I like it in here too. Special things happen here.
