Dec 11, 2014 | Emotional Wellbeing, Food, Health, Real Life Stories, Uncategorized
One of the children I used to work with, was part of a family of 5. Through regular contact and updates with both parents I had a clear sense of the bigger picture they were all living with.
So imagine this :
- going through multiple traumatic experiences as a family – and still struggling to re calibrate from those…whilst also
- having one child who has a life- threatening condition, which means they could just stop breathing at any time whilst also
- having another child who is really struggling with school because not only does he have PTSD, but the topic for the term is a constant reminder of the trauma he went through …
That is way more than enough for most families – or parents to cope with. But that wasn’t all…
- One of the parents – Dad – who was big and strong, would just collapse.
It happened with no warning – and despite multiple trips to the doctor and hospital, tests of all sorts (including blood and brain scans) meant that there was no clear reason why.
Imagine the impact of that situation on the family : on the mum, who was smaller in frame and could not catch him or lift him once he had collapsed and blacked out…who was now living with more anxiety wondering if today was another day when it was going to happen again.
And the impact on the children … Who had to stand by and see their big strong dad ‘out for the count’ on the floor, the panic in their mum, and the ambulance people come and take him away.
A simple comment I made in a meeting one day led to a deeper conversation which led to 1 change in his lifestyle. From that day on this Dad made the decision to stop drinking fizzy drinks. No cans, no bottles, and nothing that said it was ‘diet’ anything.
He reported to me within 3 weeks he had not collapsed once. He was amazed. Before that he had been collapsing 2-3 times a week.
Several months later I checked with him again – he was still fizz-free and still no collapsing since that 1 change…and now his doctor was amazed.
He understood in a powerful way the havoc that the crazy sugar levels, and artificial sweeteners like aspartame were having on his body.
The kids were drinking a lot less fizz too now…
Some people refer to fizzy drinks as pure poison. I have to agree. You will have your own opinion.
I also believe that changes a parent makes to improve their health ALWAYS has a positive impact on the rest of their family.
Nov 23, 2014 | Emotional Wellbeing, Real Life Stories, testimonial, Trauma, TRE, Uncategorized
It was 5 years ago yesterday (2009) that I was involved in a road traffic accident… 
So not surprisingly, I have been quietly reflecting on all that has happened since.
If you have ever heard me talk about it or read my book After The Crash, you will know that one of the best things that was said to me in the few days after the crash, was a question from my brother.
He simply said “when you are through this, what do you want to come out of it?”
It was a brilliant thing to say on 2 counts – 1: in saying ‘when you are through this’ he acknowledged that there would be a healing journey to come and it was ok for me to be not there yet, and 2: helped me to have and articulate a positive vision for how to use this experience.
My answer was also 2 fold – 1: I want to be able to get in a car and drive again without thinking about it and 2: I want to be able to us this experience to help other people.
So looking back over the last 5 years, these are some of the things that have happened.
1. I am driving easily again. It took time and BABY steps when I was ready to conquer each one: getting in a car, getting in the drivers seat, driving with support, driving on my own, driving at night, driving on dual carriage ways, driving on motorways, driving past lorries, driving to new places for the first time, driving on THE motor way, driving past the actual spot.
2. I have experienced first hand going through the ups and downs of being someone who was diagnosed with PTSD. I’ve learnt a lot!
I’ve learnt it is not a life sentence – unless you choose it to be.
I know there is hope. Traumatic experiences are about being faced with the possibility of death. Healing can bring you to a place where you are focused on life again.
Working with just words and talking will never get people free from the experience of trauma – it impacts the body first and foremost and the body remembers.
So what else has happened in these 5 years?
1. Being a sounding board for friends who knew they could ask me questions or advice for other friends who were involved with RTAs following mine.
2. Discovering TRE and becoming a qualified practitioner – equipped to help other people learn how to release trauma safely, become grounded and stabilize their nervous system, without having to talk about what happened.
3. Completing an MA, focusing research on working with Mums who have experienced multiple trauma. The impact this work can have indirectly on their children can be enormous!
4. Delivering training in schools to help staff begin to understand more about the children they are working with and how best to support them.
5. Gently, but professionally challenging mis-diagnosis for certain children who were referred to me for Play Therapy – GPs have agreed that it wasn’t ADHD but PTSD – inappropriate medications have been stopped.
6. Supporting parents to understand why their children are doing what they are doing…and how to respond from a place of empowered insight rather then bewilderment, frustration and fear.
7. Writing an Ebook that has been read by so many people – therapists, counselors teachers and Family Support workers, friends and family of people who’ve been through trauma (not just car crashes) as well as the survivors themselves, with some very touching feedback.
8. Spotting children in schools and out, who have been through trauma and recognising the language of their demeanor and behaviour, and explaining their language to those working with them daily.
9. Advising children’s homes in Morocco and Mongolia where trauma is a common factor for the whole community.
Hmmmm. Well, this was supposed to be a short post…
It is interesting really how I have quite surprised myself at all the things that have come out of the experience I went through that started 5 years ago. How easily we can forget….and how important it is to mark our milestones and acknowledge the good fruit even from a horrible experience. I think it is safe to say my second hope has happened as well… And still is.
It seemed really appropriate to spend the day yesterday with an entire staff team of a primary school in Birmingham, helping them understand the reality of trauma better… For the children, the whole school community and for themselves. So many of them came up to me through the day to have a quick chat 1:1. They have been through it too…
Trauma truly is a hidden epidemic. It is affecting lives, relationships, families, schools, health and potential. It’s impact can seem huge. But I still believe there is hope. It just needs each of us to get real, acknowledge what has happened, pursue our own healing journey and keep going. If any of this resonates with you, then let me leave you with that question too…
“When you are through this, what do you want to come out of it?”
Sep 21, 2014 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, Real Life Stories, School, Uncategorized
This was the comment posted by a senior member of staff from a primary school after she read the pre-summer TRANSITION article.
Her staff all read the article and discussed it together with the suggested activities, and this was some of their learning. WOW!!!
Have a read and I’d love to hear about other things that resonated with you or were applied from the last article in your school…
Hi Claire,
It seems an age away since I wrote this at the end of term – then I didn’t get around to posting it. So here are my further thoughts on transition!
I found that some staff struggled with the idea of ‘bereavement’ in terms of what a child might be going through. Other staff read the article and said ‘yes, that’s exactly how it is.’ I guess this will depend on their personal experiences but it did create a lot of positive discussion.
Several children seemed to like the idea of writing a list together with their LSA/TA. The staff felt that children were quite pleased to do this and wanted to keep a copy. It was a special time of sharing something worthwhile for both involved.
The idea of a letter went down well with other children and was approached in different ways. One child wanted his TA to write down some questions he had for his new teacher. The usual mundane questions weren’t important he had one important question to ask about his new teacher… ‘Are they kind?’ It really brought it home to me where the child was in his thinking and how anxious he must have felt at that time in the school year.
One particular child has had a really tough term and we thought we had done quite well in preparing him for the transition. In the penultimate week of term he had had a particularly difficult week with his outbursts escalating in intensity. On the Friday afternoon he sat with his teacher and asked a couple of questions. He wanted to know if anyone would be in next week or would the school be empty. It was only when he asked this question that it dawned on us that he thought it was the last day of school…. Ouch!
We had prepared so many things carefully and yet we hadn’t figured in the timescale for him. It was a painful realisation for us.
It became much clearer as to why he had had such a difficult week and was struggling. Next year we will need to consider how to share the countdown and make the timescale clear – yet in a sensitive way for our children.
Having now returned to school the staff have gone and found their previous pupils to ‘check in’ with them as well as to talk to the child with their new TA/LSA.
Specific children still have a lot of ‘settling in’ to do in their new class however we have found your ideas to be really useful and feel we have better supported them in terms of transition this year. The way you described the intensity of the feelings children might experience really made us think and we feel it helped us to deal with situations in a much more sensitive way.
Thank you! ☺
R
Jun 7, 2014 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, Real Life Stories, Trauma, Uncategorized
I don’t think I was alone yesterday as I reached for a tissue (or 3) watching the DDay 70th anniversary commemorations from Normandy. The rows upon rows of white gravestones in the cemeteries, the dwindling numbers of veterans who are still alive 70 years on, the dignity of these brave, inspiring souls, the sacrifice they made for OUR good. It was good to remember…right to honour…important to commit: we will remember.
I heard so many times in the broadcasts yesterday ‘the DDay landings were instrumental in changing the course of history’, ‘the course of our country’.
No one could dispute it.
And there was something else that I remembered. It wasn’t until decades after their return that ‘shell shock’ became recognised as something more than a ‘phase’ veterans would/should snap out of.
I remembered how PTSD has only relatively recently become the name of the ‘dis-order’ for people who have experienced life-threatening situations that affect their mental health; change their personalities and alter their basic functioning.
And I remembered that these veterans did not come back to homes, communities and services that understood PTSD then. Those that needed it, did not have access to support or healing.
I remembered the baby-boom. That many of these returning ‘heroes’ were already parents, or became parents shortly after their return. And this is significant to me, having worked with non-military parents with PTSD. The impact of trauma that leads people to the condition of post traumatic stress disorder, affects who they are, how they function, how they relate to others and always in my experience, affects their parenting; it affects the children.
Working with families, I see the impact in individual cases. What happens when more than 1 or 2 or tens of families are affected by trauma? What is the impact when a generation is brought up in a family where at least 1 parent has PTSD?
I remembered while during my masters research, finding a study in Australia that discovered the children of veterans returning from Vietnam had, over time, a suicide rate that was 3 times higher than the national average for their peers.
Trauma affects people, affects parents, affects parenting, affects children.
What was the impact on the course of our country’s history by a generation of children being brought up by grieving mothers or returning war heroes who were not understood, supported or helped to heal from PTSD?
It’s a sliding doors thing, and we will never know, but I can’t help but be curious – how might we as a nation be different now, if that help had been available to them then?
What they did for us undoubtedly influenced the course of our nation. We will remember.
For a gentle look at how parental trauma can impact life for children have a read of GROUNDED – whilst it may seem to be a book for parents and teachers, many others, of all ages, have found it helpful in understanding their own childhood experience.
Aug 31, 2013 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, Food, Health, Real Life Stories, School, TRE, Uncategorized
Just a few of the words that flow through everything that CHEW Initiatives is about. The reason it exists … the vision and the values are all in there. Enjoy pondering them.
I have tried lots of times, but have to say it is impossible for me to consider these words and not be stirred, challenged, inspired… do let me know if you connect with them too.
If you want to find out a bit more about CHEW Initiatives then you can read more here.
May 2, 2013 | Emotional Wellbeing, Food, Health, Real Life Stories
Jo R. is a mum in the Midlands. Although she is a runner, she still felt the ‘weight’ of carrying too much excess around with her, and was a self-confessed sugar addict. She allowed a friend’s journey to inspire her and started out on her own road to better health. This is her story, we love how she tells it…
I live in Kenilworth, Warwickshire with my husband and 2 gorgeous children (aged (almost!) 9 and 7). We’ve recently returned from 3 1/2 years living in New Jersey. I haven’t worked since having my firstborn and I keep fairly active. I ran regularly (I’ve completed 7 half marathons in the last 3 years) and went to the gym. I also ate…. Too much and the wrong foods!
I have always been ‘heavy’
Since returning to the UK last August I was determined to regain control of my weight gain. I have always, as far back as I can remember, been ‘heavy’. For too many years I have been overweight and not at all happy with this fact! I didn’t let my weight affect the things that I did but I was always very self-conscious walking around on a beach or at the pool in my swimsuit.
I feel like I’ve been trying to lose weight for most of my adult life! I was a comfort food eater, eating when I was bored, sad, happy, angry, anytime really! Also, because I ran I thought I was entitled to eat whatever I wanted. After all, I had just exercised! I would stick to a diet religiously for a couple of weeks, lose a few pounds and then get bored and/or hungry. I would eat some ‘forbidden’ food and that would be me back at square 1. The weight would soon pile back on, and a couple of pounds more for good measure!
Courage
Clair. H and I are friends from years ago and I had been following some of her posts on facebook about the success she was having with a weight loss programme she was on. She had been introduced to it by (another) Claire. I plucked up the courage to ring Claire W to find out more, and I am so glad I did. We re-connected straight away. Claire listened to my story and explained the way RESET works and it all seemed to make complete sense. One thing I have always struggled with is my cravings for high fat, sugary foods. I just didn’t crave carrot sticks and apple boats as much as that large bar of chocolate or that over-sized baguette!
Here we go…
So, I committed to do the RESET programme. How hard could it be to replace 5 days worth of meals with nutritious shakes?? Of course, I could snack too (carrot sticks, apple slices)! The children wanted to take me out for a meal on Mothering Sunday so I planned to start the following day. I ate that Sunday meal like it was going to be my last with the biggest sundae you have ever seen.
- On Monday morning I had my cup of hot water with slice of lemon, walked the children to school and returned for shake 1. I had a mid-morning snack of apple and nuts. Shake 2 at lunchtime. More apple mid-afternoon and shake 3 at teatime. I drank plenty of water all day. I also managed to make dinner for Mike and the kids without succumbing to ‘proper food’!
- Day 2 was much the same as day 1. Except for the headaches! WOW! I was grumpy, achy and miserable. I was also snappy with Mike. I didn’t much like this side of me but I am putting it down to my body being in withdrawal. I became aware just how addicted my body was – and the reality of breaking addiction hit hard.
- At this time, and well into day 3 (same pattern of shakes and snacks) I was committed to completing this 5 Day RESET and never drinking another protein shake again! There was no way I was going to continue on the 21 day maintenance programme.
- However, by day 4 I was feeling so much better. I was already seeing a difference when I put my clothes on, my energy levels were high (energy levels had always dropped considerably on previous diets) and I was running stronger than I had been previously.
- I finished day 5 and when I stepped on the scales I found that I had lost 10 pounds. I committed myself to a further 21 days…
Free to resist temptation
During the 21 day Transform phase the children had their Easter holidays. We went on holiday to Cornwall for a few days to visit my parents. Food temptations were all around me but I remained strong and focused. I was in a much different place, mentally and physically, that I did not want to break my newly forming habits. My mum was skeptical at first but when I explained that my body was coping so much better now that it wasn’t having to deal with the sugar highs and lows, that I was feeling more energised and that I was a lot calmer with the children, she wanted to know more! I’ve also had lots of opportunity to explain to my children what I’m doing. We eat our meals together at the kitchen table and it just seemed very natural to drink my shake while they were eating their tea while explaining the benefits of my food.
Lost weight but gained even more
I have completed the 21 day transform program now and I have lost a total of 21 pounds. However, I prefer to think about this weight loss journey in the things that I have gained, rather than what I have lost! I have gained better health (no more sugar highs or lows), a body that is comfortable wearing a swimsuit (especially now that I’ve dropped 2 dress sizes) and a lighter, more efficient running frame. My running times are getting faster. I’m less fatigued and so much stronger – both mentally and physically. I have also gained loads of education and the confidence that this weight is completely sustainable – something I’ve never felt before.
I am positive I can sustain this new weight
Looking back it’s hard to understand how well my body performed (especially at running) given its poor diet! Thank you so much for all you’ve done to help me so far. I can’t believe the results I’ve achieved. Friends have also commented on my disappearing waistline and trim figure. This gives me such a huge confidence boost and an opportunity to explain how and why I’ve done it. I’ve just got a few more pounds to go but I remain focused and very positive. I also feel that it’s completely sustainable – something I’ve never felt before.
6 Weeks – down 21 lbs
Wowsers lady – what a great turn around! Next stop… London Marathon?? Thanks for being so real. We love how you have really grasped what this is all about, so you can pass it on to others too. We are wondering who will be inspired by your story…
