SO many of you will already know that after 10 years of continuous work as a children’s therapist, often working with very complex cases, I have been on a sabbatical from my direct clinical work. Have I been sitting around twiddling thumbs for the last year? Umm No. Much of the advisory, consultancy and training work has continued (albeit at a slower pace).
HOWEVER, I knew the lack of contact time with children would leave me some space mentally and emotionally… so for the last year I have been volunteering as a Puppy Socialiser for Dogs for Good. They are a fantastic charity training assistance dogs to help change peoples lives. I totally love what they are about, and although puppies are obviously gorgeous, I thought long and hard before getting involved as socialising a puppy is like long-term fostering…
My time with Hinton is not over yet, but already I have learnt so much about how to help puppies learn, grow and thrive in a way that feeds their body and soul. So much of what I have learnt about working with dogs has resonated with me as it is from the same philosophy I have been working from when working with children over all these years.
This is the first in a series of short videos (I don’t know how many more there will be yet – it largely depends on what you think of them!). I will share some of the insights I have around the similarities of working with dogs and children.
Hinton is big for his age. So are many children. And even those who are physically similar to their peers, may not be at the same emotional age. Have a watch and see what you think.
Have you come across this before?
Do you know children who struggle with being expected to be more mature than they are because of their size?
Do you know how to respond to a child who seems to not be as emotionally developed as they are physically?
I’d love to hear what you think about this – I think it happens more than we think. So let’s get the conversation going – feel free to scroll right down and comment below.
Also feel free to pass it on to anyone you know who might be helped by this in anyway. Hinton loves helping people… share his story and do let him know if he made a difference 😉
… And if you want to read another blog about this concept of physical and emotional age not correlating and one reason behind it, and what it looked like for a child I worked with then click here. Until next time… x
This time of year is significant for many reasons. Football tournaments, Tennis tournaments, National and International athletics championships…(I’m not going to mention the obvious politically ‘interesting’ time in the UK at the moment)… But for those schools who are mindful of the precious children within their communities who find things extra hard because of what they have been through in life, this is a very VERY significant time.
Why?
Because these are the days when many schools are making the decisions on which teacher a particular child would be best put with next year. I have lost count how many times over years, I have been asked for my opinion concerning a child in this regard. Either through working with the child in therapy, or through the consultancy roles I have focusing on advising a school in how best to support a child.
For some schools I know, it is not an option. For some schools there is no choice. A one-form entry school where teachers stay the same, year on year, are unlikely to do a complete cabinet reshuffle for the sake of 1 child. For some schools the decisions are made on other criteria – staffing structures, timetables, class histories, teacher ‘experience’ etc etc However, the amount of times I have been asked this, lets me know there are schools out there who are really considering things from a child’s perspective. They have some flexibility – there are some options and they honestly want to do what is best for that particular child, whilst doing their best by ALL the others too. They know it matters. Often (but not exclusively) the question often comes up when there is a decision to be made between placing a child in a 1-teacher class, or a class who have 2 teachers doing a job-share (which seems to be becoming more and more common?).
Traditional wisdom, based in attachment theory, will say that the child who has experienced trauma would be best off in the class with 1 teacher. 1 person to get to know, 1 persons’ way and rules and personality to navigate, less change, less chance of ‘falling down the gap’ between the 2 staff members etc etc. I understand all the reasons and the rational. HOWEVER, there are times when my advice is different. If all things are equal , then yes go with the 1 teacher-class option. BUT if the staff members are significantly different in terms of the ENERGY they have, and how easily children feel safe around them, then you need to choose safety over consistency. Below are my top 7 suggestions for choosing the best type of teacher to place a child who has experienced / is experiencing trauma. For more of the theory behind this come join either Essential Therapeutic Communication Skills or Helping Children stay Emotionally Safe in School training.
My TOP 7 factors for choosing the best next teacher are:-
teacher/s who are more grounded in themselves
teacher/s who have good personal boundaries and therefore classroom management
teacher/s who are more emotionally empathetic
teacher/s that are willing to receive support and work with advice (which may also include looking at their own ‘stuff‘ and changing their practice a bit).
teacher/s that are keen to learn and apply what they learn about trauma to their own practice and class environment
teacher/s that like the child and want to help him/her thrive
teacher/s that are not scared of the child
If a long-standing member of staff who knows the curriculum inside out and upside down, does not meet these criteria then I would recommend choosing a more in-experienced teacher who has good classroom management and does match these attributes. In the ‘1-teacher Vs job-share’ debate situations, if the single teacher does not meet these, and either or both of the job sharers do, then they would be my recommendation.
WHY ?
These children more than any (although they all do actually, to different outcomes) work on energy. They can detect at a million miles if you are calm, if you are stressed, if you like them, if you don’t. If they don’t feel safe with you, then their neurology and physiology change and make learning with you really hard. Some staff get this intuitively. Some are willing to understand it. Some are willing to put the effort in to make themselves more grounded – to be better practitioners and safer for these children to be around. Some are not.
Everybody knows that children should feel safe when they are at school. It is the hope of every parent and every adult working in a school…and yet the reality is often very different. Whilst it is helpful as a stand-alone event, this training works best as a follow-on to the Introduction to Understanding Trauma. It covers:-
Feeling safe is nice – but why is it important?
Latest trauma research and what that means for learning.
How do we get to feeling safe?
The neuro-science of safety, and what that means in school.
Tried and tested examples of ways to make school a safer place for all children.
Considering all children (not just those who have been through tough stuff in life) staff will explore 4 simple yet powerful areas to focus on to help children feel emotionally safe.
DELIVERY : As a twilight (90 mins) or 1/2 day INSET session
FEEDBACK from past attendees
Another thought provoking meeting that has given me insight into the way I can continue to support emotionally scarred children to be safe and happy. Thank you. So much to try out again to support so many of our children. The declaration is so powerful and hits home to me about my assumptions / actions when talking to a child. The examples of how to question the children to empower them will be VERY useful! Thought provoking, enabling me to look past the behaviour and see the child.
Tonight has made me reconsider some of the behaviour/actions that I have seen and how I have potentially created them. How I do things differently to avoid situations arising + how to ‘bring them back’ is more of a challenge but determined to do it! Very useful session, thank you! Will definitely think about changes I can make. Does make you think more about circumstances. Very thought provoking for my children at home as well as at school. Thank you! I wonder how safe all the children in my class feel?
You have given me ideas to do and say when children need to self-soothe. Will try hard to use the ideas from tonight into my classroom routine. To produce a ‘quieter’ learning environment. Really useful and thought provoking as always. I never really considered my classroom environment!
Thank you for another thought provoking session. It has made me consider some interactions with children and think about how I can change these for the better. Thank you, this training resonated with my own personal journey of recovery from anxiety. Thoughtful training with many things to consider and implement. Overwhelming. New reflection. Eye opening. Deep and thoughtful. Very interesting again. Will be trying out new ways of wording things at home and in the classroom. Many thanks.
The staff room and the school gate are 2 places where reputations are made. Here’s what I have noticed. A child, (who for whatever reason – and there WILL be a reason) crosses a boundary and hurts someone. The adult feels shocked, surprised, hurt, angry and many other possible emotions, and seeks comfort in regaling it to colleagues in the staff room, or peers at the gate. The story that gets told though may or may not include the WHOLE story, and is often abbreviated to just the adults’ perspective and the fact they got hurt. “He hurt me.” “She hit me!” “He kicked me.” “She threw scissors at me…”
Do you know what it feels like when you just know that someone doesn’t like you?
Do you know that distinct feeling someone knows something about you that makes them want to keep their distance? Do you know what it’s like when someone has heard a rumour…and it’s about you?
=> Imagine being a child in a school, maybe one who struggles with being calm, maybe one who might hurt people now and again, or one who does a runner across the field when things get too much. [There is ALWAYS a reason for behaviour we don’t like. There may not seem like one to the on-looker, the all-knowing adult, but there will be one. There will be a reason, a trigger, even if the child himself can’t articulate it yet.]
=> Now imagine being the child’s new teacher. They only things you will have heard about this little one, is how far and how fast he can run away. Or how hard he can kick. Maybe how she doesn’t show any remorse when she hurts an adult.
It worries me how much a child’s story can be formed by staff in the staff room or by parents at the school gates. When we only speak out the things that are ‘out of the ordinary’, that we don’t like, or find hard, the things that actually show a child is struggling (although it is rarely acknowledged as that – more often just ‘bad behaviour’) then that is all others hear. That is all they have to go on – the only picture that fills their head when they think about that child.
It is not fair. It is not true. It is damaging… more than we realize. How so? It changes things.
If the image of the behaviour we have heard about makes us feel at all uncomfortable, worried, fearful, unsafe or judgmental, those feelings (sometimes so quietly nestled in our subconscious that we don’t/wont consciously realize/admit they are playing hide n seek within us) change us. They change our neurology and that changes our physiology. We cannot help it. It just happens. It means though that when we meet the actual child – on the playground, in the dinner hall or our new classroom, they meet our changed physiology – and they will notice. They will subconsciously notice we are defended, we are guarded, we are on alert. They won’t know why, but they will get a sense from us that our body and subconscious portrays.
Will it help them feel safe with us? How might they behave in response to that? It’s not rocket science, eh? Would there be any children you know who don’t need understanding, need protecting, honoring, and to be respected enough not to have their worst moments broadcast across a network of professionals or parents?
Am I suggesting a ban on staff being able to talk about what has happened to them in their day? Absolutely not. Am I suggesting that staff don’t widely communicate the details of interactions with a child? Maybe – just to the people who need to hear it. I am just wondering if we could be aware of the power of our words in shaping children’s reputations? I’m wondering if we could consider if we might be shaming a child in their absence by how we communicate about them? I’m wondering if we can acknowledge that what we share as truth is rarely the WHOLE truth? So help us…
Do you ever work with small groups or 1:1 Do children get sent to you throughout the day? Do you wish you could guarantee that children felt safe being around you? Do you wish you knew what to say and do to really help them be their best?
Not everyone can train to be a children’s therapist. However, with more and more children in schools who are struggling with life, everyone who interacts with children as part of their job, needs to know, and be proficient in, theseESSENTIAL Therapeutic Communication Skills. To get the best out of a child is really quite simple, and yet day-by-day in schools, it can be hit and miss as to whether the child is en-abled or dis-abled by the adult communicating with them. Oftentimes staff are unaware of how to help not hinder a communication process with a child. For staff who are passionate about ‘best outcomes’ for children and staff (!) then this training is invaluable. For anyone who regularly interacts with children, especially in small groups or 1:1, the core skills that EVERY children’s therapist knows inside out can make a big difference to each communication moment you have. Helping all staff (SLT, teachers, LSAs, TAs) learn:-
how to communicate to keep a child emotionally safe
what to say and not say to help bring out their best
how to avoid the biggest blunders adults make that shut children down
the hardest part about communicating with children
This training is a practical workshop – as the best way to learn and remember is to discover and do.
Come prepared to get involved.
Come open to experience.
Come ready to develop as a person and professional.
Go equipped, changed, better, effective.
THIS is a stand alone workshop, and is also the compulsory FIRST part of the further training in Therapeutic Communication Skills for Staff working with Children who have Experienced Trauma (booking info coming soon)
Next Events:
DATES are now being planned for this course. If you would like to be notified when they are released, then let us know.
If you would like to discuss hosting a course for your local schools, or other groups (eg parents or carers) then let’s connect.
“Thank you for a super informative course. I look forward to putting these new skills into practice.”
“Thank you – this has been very powerful and the experiences have certainly made an impact on me which will lead to changes in my practice.”
“Great couple of hours. Perspective feels like it has changed on how I handle things.”
“Thank you for making me think about how to conduct myself and remembering that children have a voice too. I found your course brilliant.”
“”Thank you! Very calming approach to learning.”
“Another fab session that will really impact on the children.”
“Thank you for a very insightful workshop. I hopefully will take this with me and use it within my day to day practice.”
“The impact the training has had on me has been huge.”
“I often walk away from a course and feel I have so much to do and so much to implement – most of which is put on a back burner. However, without having to take away hand-outs or a ‘to do’ list, my learning from this training has somehow been unfolding as I have mulled over different elements of the course.”
“During this school week in my interactions with children, staff and parents I seem to have had a different focus and have been so aware of my conversations and actions – and the impact I do or don’t have.”
During our time here we have just one place to live – our earth suit – our body. Sometimes we are so busy living, doing or surviving that we can forget or neglect our body, which may mean we are forgetting or neglecting ourselves.
Noticing can be the first step in becoming re-acquainted in the ongoing journey towards becoming truly grateful for our body, and yet even this can be a challenge.
I have worked with very special men and women who were doing brilliant things, yet struggled to notice themselves. For others traumatic experiences have led to years spent living in a state of disassociation from their body. Others have simply appreciated some help in carving out time to be still, refocus and improve noticing themselves. I wrote and recorded this guided meditation with all these special people in mind – whilst being totally grateful for my own earth-suit : the part of me that I walk around in and be ‘me’ in. I hope it is truly gift to you.
‘I am loving the meditation. I started using it daily, morning and evening – now I just do it every day when I get in from work. It has been a great introduction to my new healthy journey. The meditation has helped me understand how important and amazing my body is and the correlation of mind, body and soul. It gives me a private, quiet, focused time to appreciate what I have and help me achieve what I want to do’
SCHOOL SUPPORT WORKER
“Love it! Listened to it three times already… Something really special about this. Thanks for sending it. Much needed.”
HEADTEACHER
“I listened to Body Gratitude last night (and this morning) and I found it lovely. The words were so well thought out and affirming. I’ve listened to many meditations, usually as part of my end-of-day ritual and I really liked this one. I think it would be great at the end of a workout or before a creative project, but also a super way to start your day on a positive note. ”
HOWEVER, I knew the lack of contact time with children would leave me some space mentally and emotionally… so for the last year I have been volunteering as a Puppy Socialiser for Dogs for Good. They are a fantastic charity training assistance dogs to help change peoples lives. I totally love what they are about, and although puppies are obviously gorgeous, I thought long and hard before getting involved as socialising a puppy is like long-term fostering…
For some schools I know, it is not an option. For some schools there is no choice. A one-form entry school where teachers stay the same, year on year, are unlikely to do a complete cabinet reshuffle for the sake of 1 child.
