Jun 16, 2016 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, School, Trauma, Uncategorized
Everybody knows that children should feel safe when they are at school. It is the hope of every parent and every adult working in a school…and yet the reality is often very different.
Whilst it is helpful as a stand-alone event, this training works best as a follow-on to the Introduction to Understanding Trauma.
It covers:-
- Feeling safe is nice – but why is it important?
- Latest trauma research and what that means for learning.
- How do we get to feeling safe?
- The neuro-science of safety, and what that means in school.
- Tried and tested examples of ways to make school a safer place for all children.
Considering all children (not just those who have been through tough stuff in life) staff will explore 4 simple yet powerful areas to focus on to help children feel emotionally safe.
DELIVERY : As a twilight (90 mins) or 1/2 day INSET session
FEEDBACK from past attendees
Another thought provoking meeting that has given me insight into the way I can continue to support emotionally scarred children to be safe and happy.
Thank you. So much to try out again to support so many of our children. The declaration is so powerful and hits home to me about my assumptions / actions when talking to a child.
The examples of how to question the children to empower them will be VERY useful!
Thought provoking, enabling me to look past the behaviour and see the child.
Tonight has made me reconsider some of the behaviour/actions that I have seen and how I have potentially created them. How I do things differently to avoid situations arising + how to ‘bring them back’ is more of a challenge but determined to do it!
Very useful session, thank you! Will definitely think about changes I can make. Does make you think more about circumstances.
Very thought provoking for my children at home as well as at school.
Thank you! I wonder how safe all the children in my class feel?
You have given me ideas to do and say when children need to self-soothe.
Will try hard to use the ideas from tonight into my classroom routine.
To produce a ‘quieter’ learning environment.
Really useful and thought provoking as always. I never really considered my classroom environment!
Thank you for another thought provoking session. It has made me consider some interactions with children and think about how I can change these for the better.
Thank you, this training resonated with my own personal journey of recovery from anxiety.
Thoughtful training with many things to consider and implement.
Overwhelming. New reflection. Eye opening. Deep and thoughtful.
Very interesting again. Will be trying out new ways of wording things at home and in the classroom. Many thanks.
Jun 8, 2016 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, Inspiration, School, Trauma, Uncategorized
The staff room and the school gate are 2 places where reputations are made.
Here’s what I have noticed.
A child, (who for whatever reason – and there WILL be a reason) crosses a boundary and hurts someone. The adult feels shocked, surprised, hurt, angry and many other possible emotions, and see
ks comfort in regaling it to colleagues in the staff room, or peers at the gate.
The story that gets told though may or may not include the WHOLE story, and is often abbreviated to just the adults’ perspective and the fact they got hurt. “He hurt me.” “She hit me!” “He kicked me.” “She threw scissors at me…”
Do you know what it feels like when you just know that someone doesn’t like you?
Do you know that distinct feeling someone knows something about you that makes them want to keep their distance?
Do you know what it’s like when someone has heard a rumour…and it’s about you?
=> Imagine being a child in a school, maybe one who struggles with being calm, maybe one who might hurt people now and again, or one who does a runner across the field when things get too much.
[There is ALWAYS a reason for behaviour we don’t like. There may not seem like one to the on-looker, the all-knowing adult, but there will be one. There will be a reason, a trigger, even if the child himself can’t articulate it yet.]
=> Now imagine being the child’s new teacher. They only things you will have heard about this little one, is how far and how fast he can run away. Or how hard he can kick. Maybe how she doesn’t show any remorse when she hurts an adult.
It worries me how much a child’s story can be formed by staff in the staff room or by parents at the school gates. When we only speak out the things that are ‘out of the ordinary’, that we don’t like, or find hard, the things that actually show a child is struggling (although it is rarely acknowledged as that – more often just ‘bad behaviour’) then that is all others hear.
That is all they have to go on – the only picture that fills their head when they think about that child.
It is not fair.
It is not true.
It is damaging… more than we realize.
How so?
It changes things.
If the image of the behaviour we have heard about makes us feel at all uncomfortable, worried, fearful, unsafe or judgmental, those feelings (sometimes so quietly nestled in our subconscious that we don’t/wont consciously realize/admit they are playing hide n seek within us) change us. They change our neurology and that changes our physiology. We cannot help it. It just happens.
It means though that when we meet the actual child – on the playground, in the dinner hall or our new classroom, they meet our changed physiology – and they will notice. They will subconsciously notice we are defended, we are guarded, we are on alert. They won’t know why, but they will get a sense from us that our body and subconscious portrays.
Will it help them feel safe with us?
How might they behave in response to that?
It’s not rocket science, eh?
Would there be any children you know who don’t need understanding, need protecting, honoring, and to be respected enough not to have their worst moments broadcast across a network of professionals or parents?
Am I suggesting a ban on staff being able to talk about what has happened to them in their day?
Absolutely not.
Am I suggesting that staff don’t widely communicate the details of interactions with a child?
Maybe – just to the people who need to hear it.
I am just wondering if we could be aware of the power of our words in shaping children’s reputations?
I’m wondering if we could consider if we might be shaming a child in their absence by how we communicate about them?
I’m wondering if we can acknowledge that what we share as truth is rarely the WHOLE truth?
So help us…
Mar 3, 2016 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, Play Therapy, Resources, School, Uncategorized
The other day I overheard a child tell his teacher he didn’t want to go home. Why not? “Because it’s boring.” As soon as I heard him I started to wonder what he really meant. I never got to find out as the teacher started cajoling him with all the exciting things he could do at home that evening.
We all say what we mean all the time, yes?
I’m sure you do, and I will admit that at times I might not completely either. 😉
Children are no different. At times it’s obvious – ‘it wasn’t me’ said with chocolate-covered-face, and other times a whole lot more subtle.
I don’t like geography! Why not? It’s boring.
I don’t like play time. Why not? It’s boring.
I don’t want to go home. Why not? It’s boring.
I don’t want to go to school. Why not? It’s boring.
I don’t want to be in the football team anymore. Why not? It’s boring.
You bored yet?!
If you are around children at all, this one may seem obvious, but it is a keeper for cracking the code of child communication: when a child says “it’s boring” that may not be what they really mean.
There are occasions when a child might accurately and appropriately use the word boring. However, in my experience, 80-90% of the time BORING is code for ….. All sorts of things.
Boy Hiding Behind Door — Image by © Royalty-Free/Corbis
I can’t do it.
I feel scared.
I don’t understand.
Children pick on me.
I don’t have any friends.
The teacher shouts a lot.
I don’t feel safe.
I don’t like what happens there.
I’m scared of getting it wrong…
I’m scared…
The little one I overheard wasn’t encouraged or inspired by thoughts of what he could do that evening.
He had reached out in code and not been understood.
The teacher was talking a different language.
Answering a child with solutions for why home, football, school or anywhere else isn’t really boring, or listing off things they can do to make it not boring could be missing the precious point.
How can you reply to this statement when you don’t know what it really means?
I don’t think you can. And instead of guessing and trying or assuming, I wonder what might happen if we, the grown-ups, put all our energy into acknowledging there might be some code language going on, and be willing to engage further.
If a child reaches out to us in code, we can’t assume that they want us to help them decipher it, but we could surely foster an attitude of curiosity and wonder what they have hiding behind their ‘Boring’.
There are certain things we can say and do that increase or decrease communication at times like this. If you want to get better at dancing through these moments in a way that builds trust and keeps the child emotionally safe, try out some of the 5 Communications Cues for getting Beyond Boring that are available download for FREE. Print them off and keep to hand for when you need a reminder.
5 Communiction Cues to Move Beyond “it’s boring” Get FREE download here
Meaning what you say
and saying what you mean is a hard thing to learn… for all of us when we aren’t sure of the response we will get.
Mar 1, 2016 | Emotional Wellbeing, Health, Inspiration, Resources, Trauma, TRE, Uncategorized
During our time here we have just one place to live – our earth suit – our body.
Sometimes we are so busy living, doing or surviving that we can forget or neglect our body, which may mean we are forgetting or neglecting ourselves.
Noticing can be the first step in becoming re-acquainted in the ongoing journey towards becoming truly grateful for our body, and yet even this can be a challenge.
I have worked with very special men and women who were doing brilliant things, yet struggled to notice themselves. For others traumatic experiences have led to years spent living in a state of disassociation from their body. Others have simply appreciated some help in carving out time to be still, refocus and improve noticing themselves.
I wrote and recorded this guided meditation with all these special people in mind – whilst being totally grateful for my own earth-suit : the part of me that I walk around in and be ‘me’ in.
I hope it is truly gift to you.
- GENTLE, yet POWERFUL
- NOTICE you in a new way
- Journey toward GRATITUDE
- Use at the end of TRE or other bodywork sessions
- START or END the day in gratitude
Get FREE MP3 Meditation
‘I am loving the meditation. I started using it daily, morning and evening – now I just do it every day when I get in from work. It has been a great introduction to my new healthy journey.
The meditation has helped me understand how important and amazing my body is and the correlation of mind, body and soul. It gives me a private, quiet, focused time to appreciate what I have and help me achieve what I want to do’
SCHOOL SUPPORT WORKER
“Love it!
Listened to it three times already…
Something really special about this.
Thanks for sending it.
Much needed.”
HEADTEACHER
“I listened to Body Gratitude last night (and this morning) and I found it lovely. The words were so well thought out and affirming.
I’ve listened to many meditations, usually as part of my end-of-day ritual and I really liked this one. I think it would be great at the end of a workout or before a creative project, but also a super way to start your day on a positive note. ”
THERAPEUTIC WORKER
Feb 20, 2016 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, Health, Inspiration, Play Therapy, Real Life Stories, School, testimonial, Trauma, Uncategorized
I don’t think I have ever shared direct words from any of my clients before. I have thought long and hard about doing it now, and the reason I am sharing what this incredible boy wrote as part of our closing process, was because HE wanted it shared. The idea that his experience can inspire school staff to know that children can change, was really important to him. The idea that others – even adults – who still find themselves journeying through PTSD, could be encouraged by his words and his journey was equally important.
“Since working with Claire I have changed in many different ways. I have changed the way I act around people. I have changed the way I see things. Everyday I think about how much Claire has helped me come to be who I always tried to be, how I don’t try to be any body, I don’t even try to be myself – I just be the person I am.
I used to say the words PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) like I had to say it or like I had to make everybody know that I have PTSD, however now I have changed. I no longer wear a badge that says ‘I have PTSD’ because I don’t. I am not ashamed of having had PTSD nor am I proud. I don’t think about PTSD and I havent even spoke about it in so long because I don’t need to anymore. I feel free from and unleashed from the horrible badge called PTSD.
My time with Claire has been an unforgettable experience and has been a roller coaster, not always easy and not always fun, but for sure it’s one of those one-time life-time changing experiences you just can’t say no to.”
Boy, aged 12,Shared with permission – as he hoped it might encourage others with PTSD that things can change.
Jan 18, 2016 | Children, Emotional Wellbeing, Food, Health, Real Life Stories, School, testimonial, Trauma, Uncategorized
Those who are familiar with the CHEW ethos, will know that we like to work holistically wherever possible.
It is so important as health; physical, mental and emotional well-being IS all connected. We understand how stress impacts a body and wherever we can, we help others understand that too. Children who have experienced a high level of stress early in life often have lasting impact from lack of nutrients at key developmental times. Whatever has happened to us in life, there are some things that our body needs that can only come through our mouth, and it is so special when parents understand this, make changes and children’s lives get better.
In their words:-
“We have two adopted siblings both of whom display attachment issues and struggle at school with concentration, emotional and social behaviour.
After discussions with Claire we recently considered and then ordered particular dietary supplements with a view to helping the children in two ways.
Firstly, we recognised that whilst they have a very good and varied diet their anxiety levels may be a barrier to them absorbing all the nutrients they need and therefore supplements may be required. Secondly, to see if their concentration could be improved.
We have been a little skeptical in the past about supplements, but are happy that Claire and her colleagues have done enough research to feel confident in this particular company. We would not invest in cheaper alternatives.
Our children have been taking this nutritional support for about 5 months.
At home we have noticed that the children have been more willing and able to sit and do small chunks of homework. Our daughter especially willing to do it on her own, extremely unusual! Their concentration and ability to think seems to be improving.
At school, following parents evening and update meetings we have been told how well they are both doing in the classroom. They are less “noticeable” in class and are able to complete tasks with much less assistance. This is a real step forward.
There could be any number of coincidences for these changes but we do feel that the supplements have played a vital part.
The children like taking them and will remind us if we have forgotten to put them out.”
Adoptive Parents, SOLIHULL
